Tuesday, December 3rd
Yesterday and today, we got feedback on our essay, so I decided to put it in one blog post.
The first improvement point we got was to make the thesis statement shorter. Our thesis was too long that it was hard to pick up the main claim. However besides that introduction paragraph was pretty good, as we got 6-7. Now, he gave us feedback on my paragraphs. The first point he made was that I wasn't being specific enough. For example, where I said, "There is already that kind of table," he told us that we should give specific information on where it was actually used. Another point he made was that I should give some source on "the research." He told us that by giving a source, we can be more persuasive and sound more professional. Another thing I learned is that we should not use words like"no one," or "everyone." These words are called sweeping generalization. When I first included these words, I thought that it was good, because it can be more sympathetic and persuasive. However, I now know that using these words is very risky. I also learned that we shouldn't use the word etc. As a result, I got 5-6 in the first and the second paragraph, and 7 in the last paragraph. He said that the first and the second paragraphs were too short. To be honest, I thought about that before the feedback, but since I am only talking about chairs for a paragraph, and about desks for another paragraph, it is really hard to get it long. However, after getting feedback, I thought that I can either combine those two into one or make it longer by including more information. Lastly, he gave out the comments on our conclusion. To say, Mr. Paterson was pretty obsessed with our paragraph, which I am really grateful for, because we worked a lot on this paragraph, and used up so much time. We had some powerful words which can persuade the readers a lot.
To conclude, after working on this project, I learned about the basics of writing the essay. By this, I think that I am able to write a more professional and persuasive essay. To be a better writer, I would like to practice and be able to use what I learned in this class in the future as well!
Yesterday and today, we got feedback on our essay, so I decided to put it in one blog post.
The first improvement point we got was to make the thesis statement shorter. Our thesis was too long that it was hard to pick up the main claim. However besides that introduction paragraph was pretty good, as we got 6-7. Now, he gave us feedback on my paragraphs. The first point he made was that I wasn't being specific enough. For example, where I said, "There is already that kind of table," he told us that we should give specific information on where it was actually used. Another point he made was that I should give some source on "the research." He told us that by giving a source, we can be more persuasive and sound more professional. Another thing I learned is that we should not use words like"no one," or "everyone." These words are called sweeping generalization. When I first included these words, I thought that it was good, because it can be more sympathetic and persuasive. However, I now know that using these words is very risky. I also learned that we shouldn't use the word etc. As a result, I got 5-6 in the first and the second paragraph, and 7 in the last paragraph. He said that the first and the second paragraphs were too short. To be honest, I thought about that before the feedback, but since I am only talking about chairs for a paragraph, and about desks for another paragraph, it is really hard to get it long. However, after getting feedback, I thought that I can either combine those two into one or make it longer by including more information. Lastly, he gave out the comments on our conclusion. To say, Mr. Paterson was pretty obsessed with our paragraph, which I am really grateful for, because we worked a lot on this paragraph, and used up so much time. We had some powerful words which can persuade the readers a lot.
To conclude, after working on this project, I learned about the basics of writing the essay. By this, I think that I am able to write a more professional and persuasive essay. To be a better writer, I would like to practice and be able to use what I learned in this class in the future as well!
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